so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
