I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
