I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
