we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
the raccoons are back...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
