and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
