i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
