i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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