So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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