The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
COCAINE IS GR8
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
