Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
be right there i have to get my cape
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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