I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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