My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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