Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize