I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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