I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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