everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
