The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i now understand why vodka
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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