Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
