I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
