come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
