I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
