I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
