She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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