I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You were trust falling into bushes
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
