I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
