Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
420 ftw
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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