She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
