I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
