I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
