He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
