So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
