I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
