Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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