my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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