I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Hippo gnu deer
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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