Got a toothbrush?
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When are your genitals available?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
