just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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