No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
