Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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