I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I enjoy the company of your penis
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
