I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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