We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
