Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
