Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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