yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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