I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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