My Higher Power is John Stamos
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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