plz talk dirty to me
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
