Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
