So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
