oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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