On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
