I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
