He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
