the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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