We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
