GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
