Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
