u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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