Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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