So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
two words...techno handjob
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
