i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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