Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
