somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
