Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
