too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
