So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
