we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
