The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
