I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
