he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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