its not stalking. its research.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
