I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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