Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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